Broadway Cricket Club - 2007 Tour Review

Broadway CC 2007 Tour Review.

Day 1 - Wednesday 8th August

Messrs Murdoch, Trewin P, Trewin C and Purcell arrive on the Isle of Wight after a trouble free crossing. The hotel is pleasant enough although "slightly Fawlty Towers." Bags are unpacked and jaffa cakes are scoffed before the motley crew headed for the hotel's pool. Highlights were A-team being unable to get out of the pool due to gut size and Trewin the younger clobbering a paper reading woman sitting at pool side with the ball.

A trip down to the sea front was then in order, a quick pint in the Steamer was made all the more comical by "Holy Pocket Man" who dropped money from his trouser pocket and proceeded to put the money back in there 3 times only for it to fall out again, what a twat. The greatest game of adventure golf followed, Trewin the elder was the victor, followed home by a tie in 2nd for Mr Note and Murdoch, with the younger mullett boy bringing up the rear. A ruby followed in the Maharaj, Sicknotes efforts to thank the Polish waitress were enhanced by Paul who brazenly stated he wanted to 'bend her over and take her up the arse" class work Mr T! After the lads had had their grub a first (of many) trips to Chapter One was in order. Crap karaoke and a few beers later we retired to bed, where the highlight was Murdoch's farting and Purcell's snoring.

Day 2 - Thursday 9th August

Ahh Day 2, the first day of cricket and the first day of pigging.

Murdoch and Trewin awoke bright and early for a sesh in the pool and jacuzzi, followed by breakfast with the big man going for the world cereal bowl eating record. Another swim followed as we waited the arrival of the students, Liam and Simon and Jones and the old man. The rest of the team arrived and it was off to the first game - a pre-match lunch for most and a 3 course meal for his highness was brightened by the unvailing of the fabled Tour Mag. Controversy rained as Lloydy read that he was tagged with the monkier 'Mini-Adam' and everyone enjoyed the sight of Colin's cock.

The cricket was good, a win by 62 runs with a tour record innings from Michaels. However, it the tour hadn't started well for Trewin the elder who after middling one to the keeper threw a fit and was last seen collecting his gloves and pads from the speedway track. Trewin C and Walsh took 3 wickets a piece as Broadway took control and eventually won the game thanks to Trigger's first ball wicket.

The hosts were hardly the most hospitable bunch so we decided to crack on back to the hotel for a freshen up before moving on to Chapter One again. A cracking night followed, aided an abetted by Vodkas for a quid and Jack Daniels for a knicker promotions. Highlights were Craig necking a pint in about 1 second to the dismay of Lloyd who had a fiver on Murdoch. Speaking of Murdoch, he was busy chatting up the local pork brigade and ballroom dancing with a corpse. Thurman was up to his old tricks as well, claiming to be 45 and using the Fu-man-chu hat to its full potential.

As 3 am approached it was decided that we should make our way back to the hotel (well accept the Unit, who after half a light ale retired at about 10.05). Craig produced a classy pavement pizza on the way home and the less said about the 2nd stage of the Murdoch pig-fest the better. Back at Fawlty Towers, the boys behaviour was brought into question as Walsh produced a fall length off Paul's bed and Sicknote went to sleep with a finger up his nose and a cigarette in his mouth. Banging, Crashing, bad language was all to the fore as the BCC boys went to town leading to a dressing down for Mr Burns the next morning.

Day 3 - Friday 10th August

After winning the draw the previous night Murdoch was looking forward to captaining the side for the first time. The morning did not start well as he was fingered for poor behaviour and smoking in his room the night before, however, despite the previous night's 'activities' he was fit as a fiddle as he rose for his customary early morning "Swim and Bomb". The same could not be said of Opening batsman Paul Trewin who was paler than a ginger girls arms. Trewin was hardly seen before the game and was seen removing the contents of his stomach at the pre-match lunch.

Once again the cricket was good, Michaels and Gary Moans both hit 50's before the Broadway attack was put to the sword by the opposing skipper and his South African buddy, the less said about the bowling figures in this one the better as the unit was carted for 43 of 3 and the skip went for 65 off 6. Northwood CC proved more hospitable than our previous opponents and a few beers followed in the clubhouse after the game. The oppo had to order a rubbish collection however, as bit of Keano's bat were found scattering the square.

Back to the hotel, were Chris Cairns (the NZ all rounder) was in residence. Most of the group gathered round to hear his best lines in sledging, however were disappointed by the best one which was "Fuck off you queer cunt" - very witty. His highness was more enthusiastic when discussing the perfect technique for the extra cover drive, and as we left the hotel his trouser tent could be clearly seen by all.

The boys then went into town for another ruby at the Maharaj. Murdoch's phone took a tumble into the bog and Michael's fended off the waiters attempts to take his chutney with a classic forward defence "Neeeeeeeeeeeeer, get past that" Jones headed home for some well earned rest before he headed home the following morning as the rest went on to another bar. Chapter one followed for the 3rd time, minus the youngsters Trewin and Walsh.

The old man took a second crack at the corpse he was after on Thursday under the beady eyes of Peter Stringfellow's better looking brother. The note and Trigger had a lucky escape from a desperate housewife. We headed back to the hotel in much more civilised fashion this evening after our rollocking the night before.

Day 4 - Saturday 11th August

No cricket today, however it was the first day of the football season, much to the displeasure of Adam and Mini-Adam who were after some test match action. Murdoch and Purcell took the trip back to the mainland for the mighty Eagles 4-1 win at Southampton (We're the red and blue army!) wereas back on the island the Unit took great pleasure in the Mackem's 1-0 win at home to the Trewin's not so mighty Spurs.

Once the travellers had returned it was decided that a night at "Bogey's" in Sandown was in order. The Unit arranged some classy travel for the squad who were now joined by Frozen Sarnies king PG. After a round of Kebabs and burgers the boys headed to the nightspot for a heavy session. The promised dance -off for the captaincy failed to materialise after a few boys lost their bottle. However Craig "Harry Potter" Trewin was appointed by the blushing bride to be. Trewin the younger and Keano scored a dead head in the pint race and despite giving it the big one in the build up Granger was easily brushed aside by Murdoch is the shot drinking final.

We headed downstairs into the nightclub soon after. Led by Liam "Pin Up" Walsh the boys got down to some serious boogying on the dance floor. After A-team's testicles were rudely violated by Pat Butcher's sister and Ian's 60th was announced by the DJ, the whole squad took part in possibly the worst rendition of YMCA ever seen on the Isle. Dancing King Pin Up continued to own the floor, followed by Murdoch and some quality dancing from Mr Michaels, who's forward defence moves certainly impressed the judges. Paul Trewin was put off woman forever when he was propositioned by a 6ft 6 black man in a dress.

The club chucked out at 3am and it was all aboard the nightbus to shanklin for some well earned kip. However, this was not to be the end of the night's action. We were joined on the bus by 2 Turkish pimps and a couple of Polish whores for the trip home. All was going well until the smaller one decided to step on Purcell's foot. Mr Note became Doctor Sick and all hell broke loose. The altercation culminated in the Turk calling his pretend mates to come down for a rumble - however he was somewhat intimidated when His Lordship began singing "Who's the best team at Waring Park???? THE MOTHERFUCKING BROADWAY!!!!" and "Winners!" to the dismay of his team mates.

DAY 5 - Sunday 12th August.

The day after the night before began with an all time low turn out at breakfast. The Unit, the Trewins and Murdoch went to the pool for some pre-match preparation and the others mingled in the hotel until it was time to make the journey to the Bargeman's Rest for the pre match lunch. Dr Sick was on show again on the way in a road range incident which included the now immortal phrase "Come back here you fucking cunnnnnnnnnnnnt"

A good lunch was had and we arrived at the ground. This was probably the worst ground in BCC tour history, no scoreboard and a dodgy looking track. Captain Potter batted first and Keano hit an unbeaten 85 with able support from the Unit who made 38. Bowling was easy as Murdoch took his 2nd five-for of the season as the oppo were skittled for 68 despite Notey's best efforts to keep them batting. A second win on tour was very welcome, and as we retired back to the pub we were joined by the Trigger family for another hearty beer and food fest.

As the tour drew to a close, the students went home as did Pin Up. The rest of the boys went back to Chapter one, with the old man and Murdoch still holding out hope for one last pigging session before we left. The atmosphere was more subdued this time, and after spotting Sicknote's nemisis in Chubbys Kebab House, we decided to munch on a meal and crack on back to the hotel for a well earned good nights sleep.

Day 6 - Monday 13th August.

The last day on tour was a mopping up excercise. A-team and Trewin the younger headed for the pool as Note and Old Trewin went for a gay shopping trip. PG left early for work and the Old Man paid the bill. The Broadway Tour 2007 was over - was a MOTHERFUCKING TOUR IT WAS!

WINNERS!